Loving others can seem so much easier than loving herself. You may have noticed how much comfort and care she can extend to a friend who has had a bad day and, yet, she will be the first to reprimand herself for the slightest “oops” or error. If love is not in this order – you first, then others, I feel she is going to set herself up for disconnection, emptiness, and loneliness. Loving yourself has become so cliché these days. “Just love yourself”, people say. What, exactly does that mean and do we help girls love themselves?

Here are 3 ideas for cultivating connection and, specifically, self-love. Give them a try and observe how much she benefits from a focus on caring and appreciating her authentic self – first.

Idea #1: Help her identify what makes her loveable. A list of her top 10 “loveable qualities”, written out, and tucked away in a safe place can do her wonders – especially on those days when she feels unloveable. If she can’t come up with any descriptors, help her out until she can. See how these words fit for her: caring, kind, funny, interesting, spontaneous, inclusive, understanding, and confident.

Idea #2: Talk to her about days she doesn’t feel so good about herself. These days are normal and to be expected. Yet, what matters most is her ability to have self-awareness, “I am not feeling so secure today” and to take action, “I need to spend some time with people who make me happy”. Sometimes, girls can make their bad days worse by disconnecting and isolating or judging and criticizing themselves. Neither of these life tools are helpful or healthy. It’s all about self-nurture.

Idea #3: Speaking of self-nurture – teach her how. There are so many ways to nurture herself and when this becomes a daily habit, she is sending the message to herself that she is worth nurturing. I like self-nurture tips such as applying moisturizer or Chapstick to dry lips, playing an upbeat song and singing or dancing around the house, or even some quiet time with scented candles and soft music.

Self-love may be a foreign concept to girls (and adults) but  it is important and necessary for healthy growth and development. She can do something for herself each and every day, and she really should because she is responsible for caring and loving herself. It doesn’t get much more loving than this! When she loves herself and this is her priority, she can feel fulfilled and have so much more love to offer others and the world. It all begins with her!