Girls smiling when they are genuinely happy and proud of who they are…doesn’t this sound amazing? So often I find girls are quick to smile but a smiling face doesn’t always truly reflect how they are feeling on the inside. For example, they may have had a bad day when they were left out of a conversation, experienced an embarrassing moment when they were bold enough to answer a question in class but answered the wrong question, or they may be feeling “not good enough” about themselves when they didn’t make the volleyball team. Unable or ashamed and often inexperienced in telling us the truth, they simply smile.

Think of her smile as a mask, or a protective layer for what’s really happening inside of her. It’s our job to notice and to try to discern the difference between a smile as a result of happiness and the “cover up” smile as a result of the inability or lack of practice to unburden themselves and share with us.

I will never forget a student I taught in my early teaching days who responded to my, “How was your day?”, with a big smile and the words, “Really good” AND a flood of tears. What! I was so confused, surprised, and stunned. All I could think to do was use immediacy by staying in the moment and explaining to her what I was noticing in her. As I gently conveyed to her the confusion I was experiencing because she said her day was “good” and yet showed me it was anything but good, I got it – I got her! She was so used to putting on her happy face and being okay for others that when she wasn’t, and her body was finally allowed to release her stress through tears, the smile stayed. Needless to say as she began telling her story there were more than enough reasons for her tears and I could meet her in her struggles and provide her with the empathy, care, and understanding she longed for!

So, this was an impactful moment for me and for her as well, as we both learned that smiles do not always show joy and there is often “more to the smile” than meets the eye! As I was able to provide her with the safe space to be herself and to be there for herself, we were able to sort through the reasons for her tears and have a larger conversation of authentic self-expression!