There is an African proverb that I love. It says this: If you want to go fast, go alone; If you want to go far, go together.

So much of life is easier alone. It is much easier to get places quickly without someone slowing you down. It is so much less painful to not have relationships…after all, no connections, no conflict. HOWEVER, it is with people I believe we get to know ourselves even better and it is with people, we become even stronger. There is so much divisiveness is this world today, I think we can begin the journey towards unity by teaching our girls how to connect with each other in positive and healthy ways.

Girls yearn to connect with other girls – sometimes at all costs. Ask a growing girl what she wants the most and she will tell, she wants to fit in – to be included and to gain social acceptance. Girls have an inherent need for community yet sometimes this need goes awry.

“Connecting” for some girls is truly about finding friends who share their interests and activities and who “get them”. As they grow, this connection becomes more about support and loyalty. Girls want to know that if they run into difficulty, another girl will “have her back”. One of the worst things a girl can experience is betrayal –a girl who is friends with her one day, and ostracizes her the next.

Girls also can learn to fit in by joining in on unhealthy habits such as gossiping, being exclusive and leaving other girls out, and bullying. Also, when faced with feelings of envy for another girl’s success, girls often turn this feeling into resentment and anger. I don’t believe they want to participate but I do believe they feel they “have to” in order to gain group acceptance.

If I could give just one message to all girls, it would be this, “You are stronger together” and I feel it is our responsibility to show them how.

Here are some ideas to carry out the message that girls are definitely stronger by connecting with other girls in positive and healthy ways:

Girls have so much to teach each other and so much to learn from one another – let’s help them turn feelings of envy into inspiration – if another girl has something she wants, then she needs to ask that girl about her success or status – or simply follow this girl’s power of example. What a great lesson for her: to use envy as a sign she is closer to knowing exactly what she wants!

Girls can form healthy relationships by first, learning about each other – it is much less likely a girl will exhibit cruel and nasty behaviours when she knows another girl’s story and second, by discovering points of connection and shared interests, activities, hobbies, and experiences.

Girls can and should focus on each other’s strengths and encourage each other – they have such power to affirm each other and build each other up – let’s help them focus on this and not tearing each other down.